CHEMO #4, Cancer you going down again

Cancer, you are only going to be a chapter in my life, not the whole story..

More...Taxotere and injections...which is super tough this time around. Chemo itself takes less time because I don't have the nurse sitting manually pumping the injections via needle into my PICC line.. You get less solution going into your body via a black drip packet instead, but it hits you quicker.

I remember watching the bag being injected into the end of the drip and slowly make its way up the tiny tube heading to my veins. This is it I thought. Chemo will soon be all over my body again, I really do have Cancer! Here I am at 38, going through a struggle I would never have imagined.

More self injections for this week will help my white blood cells regenerate, and they are a new type apparently, won't know the needle size until I take them out for their first usage tomorrow. The aching is now starting to hit me and my mouth is a little sore and tastes weird. No foods seem appealing....LOL..maybe now I will lose a little weight instead of the "chemo weight gain" I have been experiencing with all the steroids..

This time I seem to be super suffering with the fatigue. I even needed help walking to the bathroom. I have zero energy to even read a book or watch the tv. I know that I have to try and keep being active..but I feel so dead...I have to figure out how I am going to deal with this and soon, as I still have 2 more of this chemo to go through...

Having cancer I have tried my best to wear it proud thus far and am really pleased with myself that I haven't gone the route of hiding behind a wig. This is the reality of what I am currently going through and I actually think my bald head isn't looking too much like "Uncle Fester"....although that may change if ALL my eyebrows fall out, which they are currently doing. My personality and attitude still shine through rather than hiding behind my long blonde hair. It is kind of liberating.

I won't lie, there are still tough times as well, like when everyone around say in Tesco, stares at me, especially because they can see that under the beanie there is no hair, and they can see the eyebrows that are running off for a holiday somewhere warm. I slowly realise I am being silly and the only way to make cancer less scary for people was to show the reality of what I was experiencing. I have cancer not an infectious disease.

Having a bald head (even with a beanie on that people know right away that you are sick) has educated me in many many ways. It had given me inner strength, taught me about how others perceive you and in doing so helped me break down social barriers. It helps me talk openly to strangers and friends about cancer.

People have often said to me in the last few months..."we never know what to say to someone with cancer so we say nothing at all. Thanks for being open and helping teach us that it shouldn’t be a subject that can’t be approached."